Heartbroken Vocalist (Husband won't move to Nashville)

[lindalang]

Hello everyone. This is my first visit to the site, but i am so glad i found this forum. I've been needing someone to talk to about my situation, so maybe by talking to the Nashville community, i can get a better understanding. First of all, i'm a professional singer/songwriter, married, mom of 2 beautiful girls. I've been married for 9 years now. Six of those 9, i quit singing for a while, just due to life happening. 2 years ago, i got back to my music career. If it's truly in your heart, it's in your blood too, as in my case. So i couldn't quit doing something that i love. I've been singing since i was 18, but now time is creeping up on me, and i'm getting older. Though i have made some awesome connections to the music industry, i also realize that living in the same town i grew up in, will get me nowhere. I have paid my dues across East Texas, but i know i have to pay my dues in Nashville too. Every year i feel a little older, but this year i really thought long and hard about this. I have always wanted to live in Nashville, whether i sang or not. Nashville is where i'd love to raise my 2 girls. I've always felt like there's nothing here for me and my family. Not that it's a bad town, but i know Nashville would be a million times better than staying here.

Now here's where i'm facing trouble. Me and my husband are having a conflict about it, because he will NOT leave this area. Now this is what i do not understand, because he wasn't even born here. His hometown is in Louisiana, and the only reason he moved here is because he married me. Okay, not that he ever cared much about my music at all. He only likes the older style country, such as Hank Williams, etc., other than that, he listens to Rock music. No big deal, i do too. But he just hasn't been supportive of my music since i've known him. There have been times where he's said he was proud of me, but not much beyond that.

His excuse for not wanting to move?? Okay, he works for the railroad, Union Pacific. He's been with them for about 4 years now. In his job, he gets "seniority", based on how long he's been there, etc. He has already moved up in his seniority, since he's been with them. Everytime i've mentioned Nashville, his face falls, and i hear every excuse you can think of. "Someone has to make the living here"......"I have a job that i can't leave"...."You should have thought about this when i didn't have a job"......"If i move, i will lose my seniority".......Well, excuse me, but i thought there were other railroad companies in the world. LoL Isn't there a railroad company near Nashville, if not Union Pacific? Even when my heart is breaking about this...He shoves it aside and walks away. Like tonight, my tears did not mean a thing. He wanted to know what was wrong. When i told him, he got mad and said "well if you're that miserable, take off to Nashville then". I told him next time not to ask what was wrong, he said i am like this all the time. Of course, not that our marriage is perfect. We have had problems, so maybe that is why he's not interested in wanting to move. But i thought maybe it would even give us a new start. Maybe it is time for me to walk away, and do this on my own. I just didn't want to separate myself and my girls from him. I was giving him the chance to be a part of his family. But we have had issues for the past 3 years because he basically lives in his room, on one side of the house, and rarely comes out. He eats, sleeps, and watches t.v. back there. He might come out for 15 mins. a day, but that's it.

Can someone give me advice? Do i walk away and go on to Nashville on my own? without him?? It seems i cannot convince him to leave, which makes me wonder why he is staying here, when he's not even from this area. ?? Should i quit trying to convince him, or even try to make the marriage work again? Every day i'm a little more sad that i'm not living where i want to, and stuck in this town. I told him tonight......It's heartbreaking that he will not be a team with me on anything i want. If anyone can advise me, please do. I am just very sad most of the time, that he will not even give an ounce of himself for me, just this once. Is it me that's being selfish? I do face the reality that moving to Nashville still might not bring me closer to my dreams of a career. However, i will never know unless i go and try. And every time i'm a year older, i think about this. I just don't want to be sitting here, still "thinking about it" a year from now. thank you for any advice. Note to add: His main excuse for not moving, is that he'll lose his seniority. However, i asked him if i move, where will he go? he said he will move back to Louisiana and work at the railroad there. He claimed he wouldn't lose his seniority there. What is the difference in states? We live in Tx., so i dont see the difference if he were to move to TN vs Louisiana. Somehow i think he is just handing me a line, and i am wasting my time waiting on him.

[Unregistered]

Follow your heart Linda. If you are always going to look back and wonder "what if...?" you will always be miserable and will end up resenting him. Only you know if he will change or not. If the answer is not then sometimes you have to make the break.

Does your singing earn you a living, or could it? Is there any way you could take "time out" to give it a go to see if it is what you think it could be?

[same issue..]

i am having about the same problem with my husband. we are not moving, but music is my passion.. I did stop making music for a while but have now picked it back up and am working with a band and playing gigs.. husband has not once come out to one of our shows.. even after he said he would, he just didnt show up. he said he cant hang with music taking up most of my time. we have tried to talk about a schedule where i would be home more but not even that is working. I wont give up my passion for music for anyone. i just cant do that. he knew me before and knows how important music is to me. he is set to move out in 6 months.

dont give up your dream love.
if he loves you, he would want what you want and do whatever he could to get you there.

[Unregistered]

You have two children. THEY should be your priority. When they are raised and out of the house then you can "follow your heart" (although I wonder why your children arent "your heart") uprooting them from school and friends and chasing some pipe dream isnt too smart a thing to do in an economy like this. You asked.

[Unregistered]

Move to Nashville. Otherwise, someday you'll be one of those old women telling other people what you should have done when you were younger (and if you could do it all over again...).

[Unregistered]

So you want to leave your husband who supports your family financially because he has a good job that he doesn't want to leave? You also want to take your children away from their home to a place that none of you know? All of this without a father and no financial security in an awful economy? Beyond the fact that there is no guarantee that you will even make it as a singer (in fact the odds are stacked heavily against you), this seems like a very selfish endeavor. It will probably end in failure, but you will ruin your husband's and both daughters lives along with yours. The time to do this type of thing would have been before you got married and had children, but now other people depend on you to do the right thing and your top priority now should be your little girls.

[Sebastian]

The last post hit the nail on the head.

[Unregistered]

Checked out your myspace page and I really love your music.....good luck to you as you pursue your dreams!!!!

[Unregistered]

as a drummer of 26yrs i went to nashville and played some there...however,nashville ain't what it use to be.music industry is much smaller there now. many in the biz go to austin
tx. many of the great clubs in nashville are gone.....i was not happy there..for musicians
you either get out on the road with somebody who is charting or you will starve to death.
the problem with music is it's a full tyme job to maintain skills on a prof level, you cant do it workin a 40 hr job at something else....i would stay in texas, get an agent and go from there....most stars of today, did not go to nashville and make-it....they were discovered
elsewhere and brought there to record for a label..example, willie nelson and waylon,
both had been to nashville, but left and were discovered , willie in, tx,waylon in arizona.
you can do it from texas for sure. it's all about drawing people to your shows, no matter
where you are at...hope this is some help

[Unregistered]

What an absoloute ridiculous post!! If you are unhappy in Texas then you will be unhappy in Nashville. If you are concerned about your husband then try and work it out with him. Have you ever wondered why he spends so much time in a separate room? Maybe you should stop asking strangers questions on the internet and start communicating with the father of your children. Have you ever thought that he may have dreams too? Maybe he doesn't talk about them because he knows that they would jepoardise the stability of the family. Obviously that doesn't seem to bother you. A year or so has passed since you posted this question. Are you still in Texas? Is your name in lights? Do you still want to go to Nashville? If music was that important to you then you would have done all this a long time ago. Ever heard the story of the boy who stood on a whale fishing for minnows? Sorry if my post is a bit harsh but sometimes we need somebody to question us. You sound like a nice person, I wish you well, I really do. Kepp enjoying your music and trust in the higher source.

[my little monkey lover]

well if he cant see that you need to go
then you need to drop him
he cant be worth you looseing ur dream!!!!!!!

[Michael]

Only one way to find out. Take a vacation to Nashville alone for about a year. You will figure it out in that time.

[Frank]

You have two children. THEY should be your priority. When they are raised and out of the house then you can "follow your heart" (although I wonder why your children arent "your heart") uprooting them from school and friends and chasing some pipe dream isnt too smart a thing to do in an economy like this. You asked.

You know that wont work. She would be too old in Music City standards to get anywhere. Follow your heart and bring the kids. He will come along at some point when he knows you are serious about it.

[Unregistered]

I have lived in Nashville a long time and the one thing I can say about it in terms of the music industry, singers and songwriters are a dime a dozen here. Just like actors are in LA. You have a family that should be priority. I am all for following dreams but there is a time and place for it. What would you do for income while in Nashville (during this crappy economy)? Where would you live? How would you break into the industry here? I have friends that have had bands throughout the year. Sure, they get gigs here and there but they have full time jobs and they know that being the next big thing is a slim chance. I hate to be a downer but the reality is that many singers and songwriters tend to end up spinning their wheels and they spend most of their time either waiting tables or in a career that is nowhere near being music star.